Some men do the dinner dishes every night. That doesn’t make their wives free. On the contrary, it’s just one more thing she has to feel grateful to him for. He, in the power and glory of his maleness, condescended to do something for her. It will never mean more than that until the basic power relations are changed. As long as men are the superior caste and hold the political power in the class relationship between men and women, it will be a favor your lover is doing you, however imperiously you demand it. And beyond that one thing, nothing else need have changed.
Independence from the Sexual Revolution (via medusasseveredhead)
Oooooh girl. Now that I live with a lesbian couple I’ve been wondering why the dishes situation feels soooo fucking different and this articulated it perfectly.
This is really well put, and it rings true in my own situation - I do all the cooking, cleaning and childcare, but if I fuck up with any of those things, in the eyes of general society, I don’t get the blame - she does, because they think it’s still fundamentally her responsibility, she gets the blame for delegating badly. People think I’m amazing for doing normal, everyday standard shit, and I never get criticised because they think it’s a miracle that I’m even doing it in the first place. If she was doing what I do people would think of her as just a run of the mill housewife, but for some reason it makes me exceptional. It’s bullshit.
And just the way this colors all relationships with men, not just sexual, but including those with family, friends, complete strangers: basically any one one can interact with. The assumption of care on the part of women and the imperative to be grateful for anything that men do is inescapable.