Women between fifteen and forty-four are more likely to be injured or die from male violence than from traffic accidents, cancer, malaria, and the effects of war combined.
A difficult, important piece by Ariel Levy for The New Yorker.
Help do something about it here.
I swear to fuck if someone tries to come up in here and be like, “SOME men are violent towards women.” NO. SOME men aren’t violent towards women. Read the article, check your shit.
My previous anons protesting me writing off the majority of men as being violent. Read this and then get off the internet forever.
I think what bugs MRAs and guys like them so much about the word “creep” is that it’s the only word they understand means “Game over, you lose. Don’t ever go near me again.” Anything else, they feel they can work around, even a flat out “no”, just means “okay try again later” or “maybe it’s not a firm no, let’s see if I can talk my way into her phone number with another 5 minutes of pushing.”
But “creepy” means that their “shot” is over. If they’re creeping us out, that means anything else they do will just creep us out more. Pushing the issue will just mean they’re being more of a creep. It’s over. She’s never going to be interested. Goodbye. It is the ONLY word we have that shuts off all opportunities for them. It is the only word we have to set our boundaries in stone.
That’s why they’re obsessed with policing it, that’s why they want it to be unusable, or call it a slur, that’s why they keep wanting explanations and claiming creepy is too vague, because they can nitpick and rules lawyer and push against explanations.
If we say they had bad breath, it means pop a breath mint and try again, if we say we’re tired, it means try again tomorrow, if we say we don’t like them, it just means we need to get to know them better, if we say we’re in a relationship, it means wait until it’s over (or try to sabotage it if they pretend they’re our friend), if we just want to be friends, it means for them to wait until another time, if we hate that they’re a transphobe, they’ll try to convince us they’re really not, if we think they’re exotifying us for our race, they’ll try to dictionary fight us about what exotifying means and it’s “just a preference”, if they touched us and we didn’t like it, they’ll try to convince us we’re over sensitive and it’s a compliment, if they were following us around, it was just them really liking us and not stalking. On and on and on, everything we say and do will be picked apart as to why it is totally okay for them to keep haranguing us and why we objectively mustn’t rule out dating them.
Hell, there are sites upon sites upon sites, and bestselling books teaching men how to push, talk, pressure, confuse, trick, threaten, and nitpick their way past our “nos”, past our explanations, past our boundaries. To so many guys, “no” (and any variation of no, including all explanations) means “wrong tactic, try again.”
So we HAVE to say “you’re creeping me out”, because they ARE, because a lot of the behaviours above are creepy, because not leaving us alone is creepy, because anything else we say gets pushed back onto us, and they refuse to respect our boundaries, and that is fucking creepy! Creepy is the only tool we have to definitively send a message to a guy we’re not interested. You’re creepy, if you do anything else towards me, you’ll be even creepier, and THAT they do understand.
And that’s why they hate it so much. That’s why they want to take the word away from us. And that’s why we can’t let them. It’s the only tool we have in a society where nothing a woman says to a man to set her boundaries can’t be picked apart by that man and pushed back onto her to defend, and re-defend those boundaries.
this post is like sriracha in how it burns with the truth
Monster High Dolls are the top selling fashion dolls in the world, out pacing even Barbie, Lady Gaga’s fans are “Little Monsters” and Gaga herself is “mother monster,” as I write this I am wearing a dress bedecked with purple unicorns and skulls with hearts for eyes with head bows and cupcakes…
Go read the whole thing. This is excellent commentary.
The trope of the woman-monster, beautiful from the waist up and hideous and man-eating below, is as old as the ancient Greeks and most likely older. There was a whole subgenre of poetry devoted to ‘revealing’ women in their monstrous forms, once the artifice of rouge and powder and corsetry and clothing, wigs and lashes and even false eyes and limbs and teeth, are stripped away. Femininity has always been portrayed as threatening and monstrous, even in its sweetest and most delicate and therefore most perceptibly harmless form; it is then that it looks the most deceptive and most dangerous to a patriarchal audience.
Linking the dark, macabre, and monstrous to the sweet, feminine, and frilly is an act of reclamation, a throwing-in-your-face of the monstrous with which we have always been charged. It defies anyone to dare to presume we are either submitting to the structures we have been forced to inhabit, OR to assume that we are subverting those structures in order to ‘lure’ men and destroy their masculinity. Skully cupcakes and flower crowns with spikes are a loud and violent ‘fuck you’ to both the contrary ideas that we fit into the roles we have been given, or that we are aping those roles for some hidden wickedness. They put the wickedness on full display. They say, here I am, this is what you have made of me, I will not hide it for your benefit. They are the wish that backfires upon the wisher.
An interesting perspective!
straight boys think girls can’t take compliments, and that’s ridiculous cause i’ve seen so many girls compliment each other, i’ve seen conversations & friendships blossom from girls complimenting each other in line, on the street, at school waiting for the bys, pretty much anywhere.
the problem is straight boys think sexual harassment & assault are compliments.